Sometimes I just don't understand men at all! :##

Spent a wonderful day with Shyboy...picnic on university campus, walking back the 5 miles to town in the dusk talking, booking tickets for the theatre tommorrow night, then lying round in each others arms all evening with a dvd under a blanket. And yet, and yet... every night we don't start kissing til late, and then he claims it's too late at night to continue and that he wants to fix his sleep pattern. He says "we can't always allocate 6 hours to kissing, we both have stuff to do." and I said "well yes, I know we dont have 6 hours, but one hour would be better than nothing."

If we started this stuff earlier in the evening then he could sleep early, I'd get my horny kissing quota, and everyone would be happy. Put this to him, and although he laughed and said he'd make a note of it, he didnt seem to really understand. I want to explain to him. I tried to explain to him. How a good day for me is a day with lot's of physical contact, touching kissing, sexy stuff, but he just seemed more confused. What am I rushing for? I don't know. I don't know. There's no urgency, no deadline, except my sexual desire for him is urgent, makes me feel like I need to rush him towards the conclusion of sex. I musnt rush him. I musnt. I just wish he wanted this as much as I do. Im so frustrated.

I tried to explain to him that even if we were to sit apart all evening, the x rated thoughts would still be going on in my head (he felt it was his proximity that turned me into a horny little lust creature, didnt realise Im always crazy with lust, even when Im not being touched.) but we don't need to be physically touching for me to be horny as hell and I tried to explain this to him. He seemed shocked, surprised, said he realised it was just a dumb gender stereotype but he hadnt realised girls thought like that, he thought I was innocent, pure etc.

GRRR, how can he be so blind? Can't he see I'm despterate, mad, utterly utterly crazy to get him into bed? Can't he see I want him so much I can't think straight? And yet he asumes I want GIRL STUFF like romance and taking it slowly and kittens and flowers and god knows what else. Yes, thats nice. Very nice. Wonderful in fact. But he shouldnt presume that liking romance means I cant be yearning for a good screw too. I'm so...so....wild, that he should think Im some innocent with no longings! No passion! I pointed out to him that when we kiss, it's hardly tame or anything.

I've told him I own handcuffs. I've mentioned that I sort of want to rip all his clothes off all the time, that making out with him is so electrifying, and yet still he goes for the dumb gender stereotype and assumes because Im a girl I have no interest. I told him. I told him I have healthy desires. I told him I have more interest in this stuff than I guess most girls do. I've hinted and hinted and hinted and still he wants his sleep pattern and his sensible early nights! GAH! I don't know what to think. Dosen't he want me like I want him? Has he only been holding back because he thinks I'm shy and sweet and not interested in moving too fast? Have we both been holding back out of respect for each other?

Dosent he know me at all?

I just feel like if he'd seen the real me, he'd know that as well as being a crazy, arty, hippy Im also sex mad. Can't he see it in my eyes, when I look at him like I want to eat him up? Can't he tell by the way my hands are always exploring his body, more and more and more? Dosen't it occur to him that there's a reason I want to make out on his bed with him for hours? His nice, big, double bed, that I really wouldnt mind sharing with him at all? What does he want?

Men are so confusing.

Today he disappeared into his "batcave" (the basement den, a strictly guy only zone) with iceboy and they didnt come out for an hour, just talking tech. I'm not male, so I cant have that connection with him, is that it? I want to be seen as a person, not just a girl. He and I were friends before we dated, surely he knows Im not just into shopping and shallow things, that I'm a person with layers and depths?

Am I being totally unfair? It was just so unexpected that he could have misjudged me so completely. He went on to say how he just assumed girls didnt have x-rated thoughts. I said "well guys have them dont they? Cant girls have them too?" and he said "yes, we do have them. End of details." and laughed. And then he went off to bed. How is it he can control himself, can resist me, can do sensible things like sleep 8 hours, when Im so crazy with desire I want to throw all caution to the wind, drag him into my bed, and sod the consequences? Does this mean he dosen't fancy me, if I don't make him wild with lust? Or have I been making him wild with lust all this time, but he didnt think I was? But I give him enough signals, dammnit. He knows once I start touching him I just can't stop. :no:

So, to sum up, he didnt realise I was a horny bint, and I've put him straight a bit, and told him that I go a bit crazy when he wants the early nights, because I just wanna touch him, and yet he still went to bed.

What am I doing wrong, guys and gals? Will he be more bold now he knows I have desires and frustrations too? Or am I forever to be playing the role of the sex crazed person only out for one thing, and he forever the role of the shy and frightened virgin, wronged by my dirty advances? XX(

His birthday on Sunday. He told me I was a "cool" girlfriend the other day and said not many guys get a cool one. I'm trying so hard to do all the right things. Im understanding. I never nag. I try and pre-empt his every wish, Im totally desperate to bed him, and If he said jump I'd ask "on which planet?" never mind "how high?" ;D For his birthday I said if he wants peace and solitude he just has to say, and I'll bugger off. I make everything a fun joke. I not the scary nagging type. I dont do long serious doomful talks about why he's doing everything wrong like some scary girls. I dont sulk. I dont punish him. I dont get mad at him. I give him space. So why hasn't he picked me up, tossed me onto his bed, and taken me then and there? How can he sleep when I cant, for wanting him in me?