Drunkness has always turned me into a bit of a whore. While it makes some people unavoidably honest, I can still lie. When it makes some people pass out, Im still bouncing around energetically. When it makes some people depressed, I continue to act wildly giggly and excitable. I'm not a mean drunk, or a drunk who throws up, or even a drunk who gets bad hangovers. But I am a slutty drunk, and I do become scarily easy.

I was drunk last night, hence this topic. Me and a group of friends shared wine and champagne and, when we'd run out of everything else, cider, at my house. We spent hours just sitting round sipping our drinks and talking and laughing; such moments make me catch a glimpse of myself through the eyes of my younger self, and I remark how mature it seems that we can be sitting making witty conversation, without the need for a film for entertainment. I admired my mothers dinner parties as a child, and have aspired most of my life to have a good circle of friends who I would relax with and truly make easy conversation with. It is not often I am blessed with such a thing, but it is always my goal. When I realise, caught out of time for a moment, that it is happening, I feel content, and wise, and secure.

When most of the others had gone home or to bed in our house, Geekboy took me up to bed. I acted quite shamelessly, standing staring at him, fluttering my eyelashes, clinging onto his arm, until he came and kissed me. I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled back after just a peck. He was drunk too, but was showing an uncharacteristic ammount of restraint. He said he was going away, and I pouted and complained and asked him to stay. I was fully aware what I was asking for. He groaned, and sat me down on my chair and hugged me, and I kissed his stomach, through the material of his shirt, and nuzzled into his chest sleepily. He said he had to go, and left, but within five minutes he was back.

I was still sitting on my chair, at my desk, so he took my hand and led me to the bed, but his intentions were innocent. He laid me down, and stroked my hair a little, but he didnt try to kiss me, and once again he said he had to leave. Again, I asked him to stay, and he pointed to the next room, where Iceboy was, awake, and upstairs to where his ex would be awake also, listening for his tread on the stairs so she could sleep (if she sleeps before, his footsteps wake her again, she's a light sleeper.)

I asked, "are they the only reasons why not?" and he said "mostly." Then I said "dont you like me anymore? I've been wanting you to come and kiss me again." and he placed a finger over my lips and said "of course I like you, but someone might hear." He laid down next to me and hugged me, and for a moment he let his hands wander over my breasts and I gasped enthusiastically, but that just seemed to convince him furthur that I was too loud and too drunk. He got up and went away, saying that I was drunk and would regret things, and that it wasnt fair when he fancied other girls too,but that he'd be upstairs, which I realised might be an invite to go up there, but I couldnt bring myself to, I simply didnt dare. It was his territory, not mine.

Not content with having practically begged him to stay and pleasure me, when he began talking to me on msn from upstairs, I told him all sorts of things. I told him that even though I liked Catboy I wanted him too, I told him that I didnt mind that he fancied other women, that I was hardly asking him to fall in love with me, that I was prepared to wait until a time when I wasnt drunk to proove I truly wanted him, even when sober. I told him that anytime he asked, unless it was a bad time of the month, I'd say yes. He replied saying he wouldnt exactly complain if I came upstairs and sneaked into his bed, but that he wasn't sure I meant all these things, and that he was pretty sure I wouldnt feel the same way in the morning. He didnt want me to regret it.

Well, after that Iceboy and me walked to the supermarket, at 3am, which is about 3 miles away, and then back, and by the time I was back I had a small headache and I was mostly sober. I don't know if I would have regretted having sex, if me and Geekboy had done so, but I certainly regret acting so desperate, and treating him so cheaply. Its hardly flattering of me to only hit on him when Im very drunk, or to suggest that he's easy. I behaved in such a shameful way, Im really embarassed today.

If we had gone to bed together, it would have just been another half forgotten drunken fumble. I wouldnt have regretted it today, I dont think, but I wouldnt have enjoyed it much either, so I suppose Im glad we didnt. Another time, perhaps. But then I'd be shyer without the drink. I know one thing for sure...

...Im still really really horny, and I still havent been satisfied in months!